her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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