lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
