i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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