Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
