I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
