the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
