Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
