You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
