god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
