We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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