Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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