he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
