Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
