Say something about gay babies.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
