That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
