Betty ford says i'm here all night
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
