apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
where are my eyebrows?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
