Swine flu. Run for my life!
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
