Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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