ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My vagina is officially offended.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
