I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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