I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
