I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
