Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
