If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
