zippers are such a cool invention
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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