we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
