I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
This is my life. Enjoy the view
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
