if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
