Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
