12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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