you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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