her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i will never coherently bang her
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
