We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
