Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
