The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Randomize
