You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I wanna passion pit in your ass
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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