we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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