i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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