found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
