the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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