Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
