i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
