I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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