He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
