im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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