I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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