How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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