I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
