So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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