No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
