My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
