thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
