Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
